I wouldn’t normally be spreading the word about my plantar warts like it was mustard on a slice of rye, but I’ve got some weighing in to do on the pros and cons of the remedy.

These nasty little chiggers have been roosting in both of my feet for the past decade. Three on each foot, on the ball under the last two toes. For the better part of those ten years, they laid low. Barely visible, no inkling of pain or ugliness. Then we started wearing all these un-puffy skate shoes around the stable and the bastards flared like a colt’s nostrils at the sight of an apple.

Those thin soles mean business, and hoofing it in them proved too much for the sleeping beauties. Boy did they wake up. Screaming at all hours, like burning match heads buried under my calluses. I counted myself one pretty lucky (pretty) pony after looking at some other cases of plantar on the world wide web, but that didn’t make them any less of a nuisance. So I picked up a package of Compound W at the five and dime. Set me back 10 clams, but I figured the wellbeing of the only gas pedal I’ve got was worth the pinch.

The active ingredient here is Salicylic Acid. It comes on these little discs that are surrounded by egg shaped pads. The pads are supposed to buffer the area around the wart while the acid does its dissolving trick. A+ on this count, boys, plenty comfy. They are also supposed to be water proof: again A+. Problem here is the waterproof rating wasn’t of much relevance because the pads don’t stay put. Sure, if you’re in a coma and don’t plan on coming out of it until the warts are good and gone, you’re in luck (sort of). But if you walk more than 30 yards in a day, the pads are going to shimmy a two inch radius around the infected area. Worse yet, the little acid discs seem to act as a catalyst with the adhesive forming an epoxy that clings mercilessly to your feet and, worse yet, the fiber of your socks.

The acid seems to do its work is by causing the outer layers skin to thicken up and pull away from the layer below. I guess the wart is supposed to go along for the ride.

The method I found works best is to keep ’em on as consistently as possible for a few days and then let your feet breathe a couple more. The skin will bubble up and then dry out a bit. Once it does, catch an edge, peel it away, and see if the wart is gone. It probably wont be, so you repeat.

Mine are gone now, but I had to buy all new socks. Worth it, I guess, and a hell of a lot cheaper than a trip to the vet.