A continuation of our Slip-on Roundup…

I bought these shoes for my dashing return to the service industry. I’ve worked service jobs off and on since I was about 15, and after a few years of mind-numbing office work, I figured I’d give it a go again. When I went to orientation for the new job (it’s a restaurant/brewery; I’m a barback) they told us we’d need to wear black shoes. Black shoes, dark jeans, and a t-shirt. “You mean, we basically get to dress like rockstars?!”

So after orientation one day I stopped off at The Alley on North Clark in Chicago and looked into black shoes. The Alley is basically a precursor to Hot Topic. It’s been there for years. I used to take the train into Chicago (from the corn where I grew up) and stop off at The Alley with my punker/goth friends. We’d all look at Charles Manson t-shirts and skull-shaped bongs; wonder if we could pull off studded wrist bands; and hope we wouldn’t grow up to be gay.

The dude that helped me at The Alley was busy perving on a couple of teenagers, so he was a little distracted when I asked questions.

“I wanna try on some Vans slip-ons. What size would I want if I wear a 10 ½ in All-Stars? I understand All-Stars’ sizes are a bit off.”

“Yeah, they run small. So, you’ll probably want a 10 in Vans.”

That didn’t sound right.

“Are you sure? Alright, could you bring a 10 ½, too?”

The teenagers were saying dirty sex things to each other–pointed at the employee, who was eating it up. It was disgusting. These girls couldn’t have been more than 16, and this dude was around 30. Ewwww! The poor little things are gonna be scarred by the first son-of-a-bitch that goes after them. Is that why people get tattoos, sorta like the “cutting” craze from a few years ago?

I tried on the 10s and couldn’t even get my foot in. I fit into the 10 ½s, but they were still too small. So I had him bring out some 11s, which seemed to fit pretty well. So I bought them and left two innocent girls behind to be deflowered in a pile of Misfits logos somewhere in the store.

These shoes look awesome! If I had my Schwinn scooter, I’d be 11 years old all over again.

The creepy salesman was wrong, and they’re too small, causing some serious toe pain if I wear them two days in a row, but they’re slowly stretching out. Although it was a little difficult to get used to wearing black shoes with jeans, that’s usually what I do with them. Sometimes I wear black socks, sometimes white. I think they look especially tuff with white socks and khakis. Or, hmmm, maybe it’s black socks and khakis. There are so many choices! I’m especially psyched to wear them without any socks whatsoever this summer. Maybe I’ll be a camp counselor at the beach. Me and my Vans, helping to lessen the need for tattoos!