Part of our Slip-On Roundup; more soon…

I found these preppy canvas numbers by an intervention of, shall we say, fate? I’ll let you decide:

I was visiting a friend in the Printers Row section of Chicago. While smoking menthol cigarettes outside, we got to talking with a fellow selling Streetwise magazines on the sidewalk. A fashion maven who spends a good deal of time shopping at thrift stores and bargain shops. Pointing to the hat on his head, he said, “Looks good, huh?”

I nodded. It did. A blue wicker beanie with horizontal white stripes. It fit his head like skin.

“I don’t tell a lot of people this, but this is a ladies’ hat. I just cut off the brim.”

“That’s a good idea.” I said.

“Hell yeah.”

He also had on a sharp, grey wool coat and hearty khakis. On his feet, new plaid slip-ons.

“I like those shoes.” I told him.

“Oh yeah. These are great. I normally wouldn’t spend the money, but I saw these and knew I had to have them.”

“I have some plaid slip-ons at home, but they’re torn to shit.” I said.

“Yeah .Before I saw these, I thought that only Vans made plaid slip-ons. I got them at Nordstrom Rack. The one on state street. $25.”

“Shit.”

“Look at ‘em,” he said, turning 45 degrees and lifting up his heel.

“Are those Sperry?” I asked.

“Yep. Man, you should go over there. They have one pair left. Ten-and-a-half.”

That’s my size, I thought. How could he possibly know that? It was as overwhelming as I’m sure it must be to read.

“I think I will.” I said.
“These are going to be huge this summer. I’m telling you. Not just canvas shoes, but plaid canvas slip-ons.”

“I think I will.” I repeated.

And I did. $25. So they weren’t free, which nullifies the whoring aspect of my dictum. Fuck it, though. They are great.

I wish I had a pair of thin, baggy, white parachute pants to wear with them. And a yellow turtleneck sweater and a tan. I’d walk around slapping immigrants and eating steak out of my blazer pockets (blue blazer, brass buttons). I’d also have a camelback filled with single malt scotch on under my sweater and a smoldering cigar grafted to the inside of my cheek. Plus a mean case of the crabs. I’d have my butler follow behind me as I strode the city sidewalks. He’d be driving my Lincoln Navigator and towing behind it my 40 foot yacht, just in case, you know?

Alas, I don’t have such pants, so I’ll just skateboard in the shoes until they fall apart. I can’t help it. Slip-ons are the best shoes for skating. It’s like being in your bare feet. Soulful as all-get-out.

The one advantage these have over Vans is that there are little ventilation holes near the arch. This is good. Feet tend to sweat. Sweaty feet make walking and skateboarding very uncomfortable.

There is a snag, however. The holes have a habit of breathing when I walk. They sound like a sleeping 50-year smoker. I really noticed when I was walking through the library. Each step, or exhale, seemed to pierce the entire building.

I guess that’s not so bad.

Also, unlike Vans, they have a flat sole as opposed to the waffle tread pattern. If you look at it closely–which you can’t cause there’s no picture–there are little wavy cuts along the bottom. Sperry calls the walking surface, Razor Cut Wave-Siping™. It looks nice, though I’m not so sure that it provides the ultimate in traction as the website claims.

They’re also a little narrower than Vans and gave me a blister at the base of the big toe on my right foot.

I’m gonna go now.